Jingle Hells

I think I'm really starting to hate Christmas. Seriously.

Well, not Christmas, per se, but everything about it. The whole build up really gets on my nerves. Every shop I go to has Christmas songs playing, and believe me, there's only so many times you can hear "Driving Home for Christmas" before you actually want to surgically remove your own ears. Every city, town, village has tacky Christmas decorations on lamp-posts. The college canteen has served nothing but Turkey for the last fortnight, just in case I don't get enough turkey over Christmas.

It's just hassle. Everything is rushed - there's a panic in case I can't buy all the presents in time, plus there's the whole starting point of actually having to think of presents for people. And cards. Cards. I mean, why on Earth do we pay almost £3 to give someone a piece of plastic-coated card with some colours on it, usually twice a year - birthdays and Christmas. Send one person a birthday and Christmas card every year for twenty years and that's going to cost you about £120. Now think of all the people you know.

But the worst of it is the houses. The bloody houses. Take a look:







If one of those houses in the pictures above is yours, I know it's unlikely, but it is possible, then you're a dick. I know it's Christmas. The canteen, the streets, the shops all tell me it is. I don't need to be reminded by people whose houses are brighter than the light given out from 1000 car headlights.

We're being told constantly that we need to cut down on our electricity usage, and yet come December, the average usage must skyrocket. Maybe we're being told to cut down throughout the year so that, when it comes to December, we've managed to cancel out the damage done to the environment.

I understand that people reading this will now be thinking that I'm some sort of killjoy or Scrooge, but seriously, why do we need to have our houses lit up like a, well, Christmas tree. Don't get me wrong, I like Christmas as much as the next man. I'd glad give and receive presents most weeks, and sit and stuff my face with good food in the evening. But people that think that by putting lights all over their houses makes them appear to be in the Christmas spirit are gravely mistaken. It makes them look like twats.

The other thing that gets my goat is this whole political correctness nonsence. Britain has become political correctness obsessed. Now, before you agree, you should hear me out. I wrote about a year ago on this topic, so I'm not going to go over old ground, but PC exists to stop bigots from airing their views. The right wing press are obsessed that everything is PC motivated, when it's not. You're being shunned for driving a 4x4 because we don't need offroad vehicles, not because it's not PC. PC has not gone mad.

Muslims aren't offended by Christmas. They just don't believe in the fundamental story that one man can deliver that many presents in one night. Similarly, Winterval, does not exist. The Daily Mail and The Daily Express will be trying to convince you otherwise because it's PC gone mad, when in actual fact, Winterval was an experiment in Birmingham that happened once. And never took off. Muslim's don't care what we do at Christmas. They don't care if we call it Christmas, they don't care if we don't call it Christmas. So stop whinging and spreading this right wing bullshit that we're offending people and now the government wants to change everything's name. It's just not true.

So have a good Winterval and New Year, and be sensible. And stop wrecking the environment with you bloody pointless lights. And stop believing that we're being forced to change our ways.



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